If Microsoft built cars...

  1. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until after that year, instead of before.
  2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
  3. Occassionally your car would just die for no reason and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you would just accept this.
  4. You could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you bought a car '95 or a car NT, but then you would have to buy more seats.
  5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car. Wait a second, it's that way now!
  6. Sun Microsystems would make a car that was solar powered, twice as reliable, 5 times as fast, but only ran on 5% of the roads.
  7. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
  8. People would get excited about the new features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands for years.
  9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas™.
  10. Ford, General Motors, and Chrysler would all be complaining because Microsoft was putting radios in all its models.

If AOL built cars...

  1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH Speedometer.
  2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
  3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.
  4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.
  5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.
  6. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.
  7. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots'a of pretty colors and lights.
  8. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.
  9. AOL car mechanics would have no experience whatsoever in car repair.
  10. If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them.
  11. The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones.
  12. AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving near other car dealerships.
  13. Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples AOL cars stall just for fun.
  14. It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.
  15. AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage.
  16. Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder, M/F/age?
  17. It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry another AOL car owner.
  18. AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they really are.
  19. AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them.
  20. Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say, "Good-Bye."